Delusions - Ramblings
With the camera I am able to capture a moment - freeze it and keep it
But life is always changing - the moment is gone
I can capture what I saw
The images make me remember
All I have left is the memory
It's only an Image
Sometimes I long to go back
Places we visited
Journeys we made
Conversations we had
The questions that no longer need answers
Its like an echo
I feel empty
Images are delusions
Instead of experiencing life objectively - I create my own subjective reality
I create limitations and borders - isolating myself
I have limitless possibilities - yet create the same images - the same thoughts - the same results
I do this out of fear - uncertainty - stupidity - habit
They let me down and create trouble for me
They are not really me - yet they control my actions
It happens automatically and even if I notice it, I find it very difficult to change
I want to understand that I am not my thoughts and feelings - I can not trust them - they are constantly changing
I want to understand that they are not me - they are just reflections in the mirror
What is really important is the part of me experiencing them
The really important thing is the mirror itself
I want to understand that I am indestructible clear light. That's the only thing I can rely on
The feelings can be pain full - fear, sorrow, loss, hope, joy, desire - they are all there at the same time
But I will not run away - even if it feels like I am going to pieces
I will be very afraid, but I will stay
I will stay - meditate - watch the images change
The Tibetan Buddhist monks used to meditate near their burial grounds. They did it to conquer the fear of death, old age and decease. Then there is nothing left to fear
When I can do that - I will be free
Then I can start creating new and better images